Here they are,

my doubts, my fears,

some days they loom large,

on others they lurk in the background,

but they are always there,

some days they are a minor niggle,

like a question that hangs in the air,

not really expecting an answer,

but hoping for one anyway!

I guess that’s why I like Thomas,

he wasn’t there when Jesus appeared to the others,

and he needed to see for himself,

so often he’s had a bad rap for that,

as if doubt is bad, and questions shouldn’t be asked…

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But, I do doubt, I doubt myself,

and I doubt my faith,

sometimes it seems too fantastical to be true,

whatever true means,

( am I being Pilate?)

I wonder if it has changed me,

if my life would have been different without it,

though I know it would of course…

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Jesus didn’t rebuke Thomas though,

he showed himself,

his wounded self, holes in his hands, feet and his pierced side…

still not the Messiah many were expecting…

and Thomas believed,

though I suspect he had more questions….

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All of this is mystery,

that we tell a two-thousand year old tale

finding it still has life and power is mystery…

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I still have doubts and fears,

I probably always will,

but I do believe,

and have seen,

experienced and lived it somehow,

now there’s a mystery…

Even the resurrection bears scars- acrylic on canvas- mine