The floor needs vacuuming, and the lawn could do with a cut, so far I have got up, eaten breakfast, swept the hallway and the kitchen. The dishwasher waits to be emptied, as does the washing machine, but that means emptying the airer of the clothes already hung there…

Why is this all so overwhelming, and why though the sun is shining so I simply want to crawl back into bed? I could be at church leading the Palm Sunday Service that I was planned to lead, but I am not, I have no idea how to engage with the world outside right now. It is a relief to lock my door to close the blinds, to lock everything out.

I have been out for walks, I have done house work, but today it all feels too heavy, I have been cooking more, and am grateful today for left overs…

The cats are fed, my bed is made, plants have been watered and cared for, I have read my devotional reading, reflected and prayed…

The list of have dones is okay, and I know the vacuuming and lawn mowing can wait, I don’t want to be like this, in the poem I wrote for today I described myself as Lazarus-like. One of the things I most note about Lazarus as I ponder this is that he had to wait for Jesus timing, that he succumbed to the grave, and still he waited, did he rage, was he upset, frustrated, we are not told. His sisters raged and questioned, but even with Lazarus in the grave there was hope, and hope broke through.

Jesus shocks the crowds when he asks for the stone to be rolled away, afraid of the stench they obeyed, Jesus cry broke through the darkness of the grave, Lazarus come out…

Lazarus did come out, stumbling and tripping over the grave clothes that held him. Jesus next command was for his friends to unbind him. Later the risen Lazarus reclines at a table with Jesus, did the air seem sweeter and the food tastier? Again we are not told.

Right now I feel unable to fight the darkness that has descended, though I do rage against it at times, I want to be well, I want to be healed, but I know this will take time, so I wait, I wait for the command to come out of my cave/ grave, and I am grateful, that I do have friends who will unbind me when the time comes, in some ways they already are. I look at my list of things to do, and have decided that the dishwasher and washing machine will suffice for today, the rest can wait….

I may go for a walk, but I am not forcing that.