why do the criticisms stick,

repeating themselves over and over

in my mind,

ravaging my heart,

waking me at midnight

demanding attention?

Even if there is a grain of truth in them,

and usually there is,

why can’t I let them go?

and why do I push away the affirmations,

deny them, refuse them,

even hide from them,

declaring somewhere in my heart and soul

that there is no truth there,

if only the affirmers knew me as I do,

then they’d side with the critics,

and quickly too…

I know I am a mixed muddle of good and bad,

I know that I am not perfect,

but mud sticks,

and arrows wound,

and, words linger longer than

the stick and stone bruises

ever do,

I carry them in my heart,

they mark my soul….

I need to find a way to move on,

to live into the affirmations,

to be whole again…