My previous post was upbeat,

and while those things are still all true,

and I need the reminder of them,

I find myself sitting at my desk head in hands,

the “fit note” has arrived from my doctor,

it says I am unfit, well unfit for work,

I knew it was coming, we’d talked about it,

and yet seeing those words,

and sending it on to those who need it

has left me feeling useless,

the anxiety in me rose,

I am resilient, I has said,

that is still true,

but even the resilient need rest, and restoration,

I still need rest and restoration,

yesterday my food tasted good, I hope it will today,

yesterday I enjoyed the sun,

today there is no sun, but it will return

I am not useless,

but right now some things are a step to far for me to take,

this is not a time for mask-like smiles,

not glib answers of “I’m fine”,

this is a time to be real,

a time to be,

to feel the sun,

to marvel at the flowers,

to let prayers rise

to grow strong again.