Light and shadow…. ( depression, hope and procrastination)

Today I told myself that I would tackle the garden, it needs tackling, but instead I took tea back to bed and slept for another hour, since then I have been mostly procrastinating, messing about on Facebook, and pondering a world where 5 people have been stabbed while celebrating together at the home of a New York rabbi, this only being the latest in a surge of anti-semitic hate crime that is rising globally…. pondering the call out for the cancellation of the traditional firework display in Sydney Australia because to throw fire into the air in a fire torn country does seem to be crazy.

Along with this the constant background “music” of growing international intolerance and the rise of nationalism almost everywhere plays on, the knowledge that we ignore climate change at our peril, simply adds to the tension of our days…. then I heard myself on the radio this morning and wondered what on earth I was thinking when I recorded the piece, it went nowhere, did nothing, but perhaps that is the point, I must admit to feeling useless and overwhelmed, and that can be paralysing.

I take comfort from the fact that I am not alone, while I am a middle aged introverted depressive who potentially spends too much time alone, I know from others that they too carry concerns about the world we currently inhabit, about the politics of our day, about what the future will hold for their children and grandchildren. What we need is hope, so I have been looking for it.

The first bit of hope that I saw today was the announcement that Gretta Thumberg will interview David Attenborough tomorrow, they haven’t met, but he supported her UN speech and she has a deep respect for him, they will of course be looking at the problem of climate change and the ecological climate we find ourselves in. On the face of it they are an unlikely pair but they speak with a unique authority, one that the world needs to hear.

So I dragged myself upstairs and threw myself into the shower, decided that I would change the bedsheets, and have stripped the bed, which means I will have to remake it, fell back down the stairs and completed a bit of a painting and suddenly I am finding hope in myself, and it reminded me that more often than not hope turns up in unexpected ways with unexpected messages.

In amongst the crazy politics of our day there are rays of hope, both Katrin Jakobsdottir, Prime Minister of Iceland and Jacinda Ardern Prime Minister of New Zealand have set forth both environmental policies and fiscal policies that buck the trend of consumerism that so often drives, the fact that they are both relatively young women might be no coincidence, but I will leave that there!

There is hope in the community litter pickers who clean our streets and beaches, hope in small acts of caring, hope in a phone call shared and an encouragement given, hope in a tree planted and a bird fed, hope in a donation to a food bank, and a hug for a homeless man….. and of course there is hope in the story that we tell of God made flesh, God with and not separate from us, a God who feels and bleeds with and for us, inviting us to bring our stories in to history, holding at the possibility that we are all connected after all, both the light and the shadow of us, and I am reminded that without light there would be no shadow only darkness.

Right now I find myself dwelling the shadows of life, both of my making, for I need to work through some stuff, and of life in general, but today I did get dressed, I did a bit of creating, changed the bed clothes and even swept the patio, so I am giving myself a small pat on the back. I am now pondering the possibility of responding to my neighbours invitation to mulled wine and mince pies this evening, and while I am thinking that might be a step too far it might not be…

Sunset on Higger Tor (mine)

About Sally C

How do I describe myself, I am not what I do, (I am a Methodist Minister), I am not who I am related to (I have 5 wonderful children, 2 lovely granddaughters and a grandson). I am a seeker truth, a partaker of life in all it's fullness and a follower, sometimes stumbling, sometimes celebrating of the Christian pathway. I seek wholeness, joy and a connectedness to all things through a deep reconciliation with the God whose love blows my socks off!
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