Today I sent an order of service to a church steward, I am going to be honest, I looked in my files and sent a copy of an order I made 3 years ago, the order fits, the hymns fit, my message will be different, the slots that state prayer will probably be different. All is the same, all is changed.

Today I did something I swore I would never do, but I needed to do, because I am overwhelmed…

This morning I met with my Co-Superintendent colleagues, after that meeting I walked home and sent 45 emails!

Yes 45, one with a letter attached, several to arrange other meetings, some in respinse to both….

I feel like I am cheating, cheating in sending out message after message, cheating in repeating an order of service, cheating in being buried in administration …

I am aware that as a Christian Minister that I am called to speak out the Gospel message of hope, of all things new, of transformation made possible, and yet day after day I ask myself if I am delusional…

But then I am reminded over a cup of coffee that the picture I see is more hopeful than I thought, that the human face of church is very human and holds grief and celebration together and makes both possible.

I am reminded of relationships deepening and growing through church simply being church.

I am reminded of the mystery of life made possible where I thought it was impossible….

I am reminded that my hurts and struggles can make me present to those who struggle is different, yet relatable ways…

I am not cheating, I am surviving, I am surviving in a day of political, social and economical angst, obe in which we need to be able to own our vulnerabilities, so what if we sing the same hymns, they are timeless, so what if we use the same readings, they are out of time, they are both in and beyond time…

We live in a time of anxiety, of stress, of confusion, people are asking questions of identity, of political reality, of truth, of certainty, of being…

I cannot begin to answer those questions…

But as I walk through the complexity of these days I know that love calls is to be, just to be in love….

That the Scriptures call us to encounter the mystery that there is nowhere we can go to be out of the presence of God, the empowering quality of the Spirit, the reality of Christ with us…

All will be well, all will be well, and all manner of things will be well… I am not cheating…. I live with busyness, I live with complexity… I live with being….

We are enough, love is enough, life is enough….