I am on sabbatical, so many people tell me this is a blessing,

an opportunity, a space, a time to rediscover to recreate, to recuperate…

But I am going to call it as I find it it is hard, it is lonely, it is separated…

I am single, divorced, newly out… ( and of course that has been questioned), so…

I am disorientated… seeking to be re-orientated

When I moved some of my church members thought I was a widow, surely a minister would not be divorced…

But I am… lots of us are…

Could a divorced minister be gay, again, lots of us are, all of our journey’s are different….

So I am pondering…

Will the churches that accepted me still accept me?

Maybe I should stay silent… does it matter?

I am not asking you to answer that…

But, I wonder if the community that has accepted me will still accept me?

Will they?

Then comes another question…

Should I stay ….

Should I go…..

I need to make that decision next year, and all of these are questions that I am dealing. with…

So I am struggling with this sabbatical….

I had plans to get fit, to swim, I have swum, but not as much as I wanted to, but I have….

I had plans to create art, I have done that, a book of 50 pastel sketches, I was going to paint, but…

I was going to walk… I have walked, again not as much as I had anticipated, but I have walked…

I have also read more than usual, of course I wanted to read more….

So, there it is… angst… what is in my head… what I take for a walk, what I take to prayer, what is in my art work, what comes with me walking….

Maybe sorting out this angst is what the sabbatical is for…

View from a stone circle: photo mine