Today I decided not to cut the grass, now that might seem a little strange to some, because it wasn’t raining, the ground was dry, and yes the grass did need cutting! Well at least if I wanted a neatly manicured lawn the grass needed cutting, but today I saw something else, I saw life! That life was in the form of bees buzzing around the purple and white clover flowers that had sprung in abundance on my lawn, so I decided for life, and left the bees to the flowers and did something else instead. I chose life…

Today, spent time simply being in prayer, I painted a picture, read a book, cleared out the garage, and ate ice-cream while watching the Women’s finals at Wimbledon…. I chose life

And today I reclaimed my name, my maiden name that is, and added it to my married name even though I am no longer married, because my children have/ had that name and it has been a large part of my journey, also because I cannot go back, only forward, so I have a new name which connects all parts of me! I have chosen life…

This might all seem small, but to me, today it feels big, it is a step towars embracing and loving myself, and accepting that I am loved! In this there is always a challenge, my freind Pam posted a thought/quote from the Conspire Conference that probably says it better than I can, “God loves us more than we want to be loved.” (Chris Heuertz)”!

Just think about that for a moment,” God loves us more than we want to be loved.” We are loved, loved not for what we do, not for what we have, not for our achievements but because we are loved by the God who created us in love and for love…

So I am left wondering if choosing life is choosing love and simply letting go of the many things we beat pourselves up with day by day, including the thought of whether my neighbours will think that I need to cut the lawn instead of leaving it to the bees! I have made many mistakes in my life, and I am learning to forgive myself, to let go and as Richard Rhor puts it “Fall Upward”!

^27-29 “Has anyone by fussing in front of the mirror ever gotten taller by so much as an inch? All this time and money wasted on fashion—do you think it makes that much difference? Instead of looking at the fashions, walk out into the fields and look at the wildflowers. They never primp or shop, but have you ever seen color and design quite like it? The ten best-dressed men and women in the country look shabby alongside them.

^30-33 “If God gives such attention to the appearance of wildflowers—most of which are never even seen—don’t you think he’ll attend to you, take pride in you, do his best for you? What I’m trying to do here is to get you to relax, to not be so preoccupied with getting, so you can respond to God’s giving. People who don’t know God and the way he works fuss over these things, but you know both God and how he works. Steep your life in God-reality, God-initiative, God-provisions. Don’t worry about missing out. You’ll find all your everyday human concerns will be met.

³⁴ “Give your entire attention to what God is doing right now, and don’t get worked up about what may or may not happen tomorrow. God will help you deal with whatever hard things come up when the time comes. (Matthew 6; The Message)

One last thought from “When God was a little girl” by David R Wiess ;

“When God was a little girl she sang love… and love was deep bue… midnight blue… because even when you can’t see it Love always finds you in the darkness, and when it holds you close you know you’re home.”